White Flag Tired

This mom, she’s really, really tired. Tired of trying to measure up to the world’s standards.  Tired of pushing myself to be something that God never intended me to be.

Society wants us to be successful, thin, beautiful, overworked, busy, and exhausted.

All the pressures to measure up to filtered instagram pictures and Facebook highlight reels.

Tired.

In fact, downright spent.

God has recently opened my eyes to see that love and acceptance of self must come from Him and Him alone.  When I strive for purpose and identity elsewhere, I will be mislead, misguided, leading me to squirrel paths and rabbit holes that will only leave me empty.

Over the years I have gone from one diet to the next, pushed my body through some crazy, intense workout regimens, competed in a body building competition, ran marathons and half marathons.

Why?

In search for approval from others, acceptance of myself, constantly trying to fill a void.  Trying to smother deep, rooted feelings of never feeling good enough.

While these goals are pretty epic feats, they continue to leave me striving.  Looking for more. That emptiness I feel, that need to feel wanted, unconditionally loved, accepted, supported can only come from one place.  My Creator. I need to find peace in the Trudy He sees when I look in the mirror.  Deep down inside, I want to believe that when He looks down on me, it’s with a warm loving smile of unconditional approval.  The same way that I often look at my babies.

What happens when I lay it all down? The goals, the diet, body image, my entire life? When I see the world, my world, through the lens of Jesus.

Peace, joy, the gift of presence.

If I am honest, all this goal setting and searching for the best version of me, it has stolen the fruits of my spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control) and my focus, leaving me feeling like a distracted, epic failure.

When I continue to seek things outside of His will and purpose for my life, I fall short. The number on the scale is never good enough, the race pace could always be better, the diet could always  be dialed in a bit more.

I’m betting it’s going to be a process.  A process of capturing any negative thoughts, crushing them with God’s truths, and filling my mind with His biblical affirmations over and over again.

But in that, sister friend, there’s victory.  Rewiring the brain, speaking God’s truth over our thought processes rather than worldly lies that the enemy wants to plant and harvest.

Will you join me in surrender?

Will you get off that crazy hamster wheel that God never invited you to jump on in the first place?

Will you refuse to listen to the lies and embrace His truths?

You’ve got this!

We’ve got this!

Your Sister in Christ,
Trudy